Tossing and turning, thinking and questioning. Does this sound familiar? We all wish for relaxtion to save us from the stressful day and I'm sure many actually get excited when it is bed time. I do. But when it comes down to it when I go to bed, sometimes it takes me so long to fall asleep. And when I do I guess it is because my thoughts suffocate me and make me go to sleep because I have so many crazy dreams.
I am going to explain about the knots. Most everyone calls them butterflies but it's the aweful tightening in our stomachs, the untertainty, worry, stress that gathers all together and decides to have a party. When the party starts picking up, that's when it gets overwelming. Tighter they get and larger. How can anyone sleep with a stomach filled of knots? In many situations, we know what causes the knots but sometimes we just don't. And then there are moments where we forget something or have to finish going over the millions of senerios in our heads in order for us to rest easy. Sleep is wonderful but it isn't always easy to fall asleep. The unresolved issues are the worst. But your not alone.
(not finished)
Friday, April 17, 2009
Fantasy World
I am a dreamer. Dreams were I can escape reality, fly away to an island where it's warm and beautiful and the sea is crystal clear. I like to dream of getting married and living the perfect life with someone. To be in love with that person for the rest of my life and not have change take over and claim owernship. But most importantly I want to be a child forever. To posess child-like instincts and not be afraid to act silly. Is it wrong to dream?
More people in life should dream and seek the impossible. I also think it is important to welcome and embrace change. Take risks. Ask questions. And don't be afraid. Personally one of my worse fears in life is a fear of change. Once I'm happy about about something and comfortable, I feel like change starts to come into play and here I am analyzing again. It is wonderful to dream but don't dwell in this state for too long that if the outside world doesn't match what you really want, you can't possibly be happy for too long.
My Best friend and I got into a conversation about expectations and I told him about the fears I have about change. I feel that I am in safe mode right now where I am free to live in my fantasy world of wonder- where I can visualize a relationship and have it be perfect and let it fulfill all the expectations that I have in my head. But once I take that chance, will reality match my fantasy? I'm afraid that there won't be much to look foward to after being with someone for so long and I just want to savor all the special moments- cherish them because I don't know how long it will last. But right at this moment, I don't have to worry and I think that's what I like. Fear of commitment, fear of change, or perhaps there is that something else inside me that I fear. My friend told me that it's nice to go to an island but you can't live there. And you will never know anything in life unless you take a chance. Yes, there are many relationships that don't last and don't live up to any sort of expectation we all hope for but unless our hearts are open, we will always be afraid to move. There is no such thing as the perfect life. But we can certainly have a life that is pretty damn close.
I think it's about time I start embracing my own advice.
More people in life should dream and seek the impossible. I also think it is important to welcome and embrace change. Take risks. Ask questions. And don't be afraid. Personally one of my worse fears in life is a fear of change. Once I'm happy about about something and comfortable, I feel like change starts to come into play and here I am analyzing again. It is wonderful to dream but don't dwell in this state for too long that if the outside world doesn't match what you really want, you can't possibly be happy for too long.
My Best friend and I got into a conversation about expectations and I told him about the fears I have about change. I feel that I am in safe mode right now where I am free to live in my fantasy world of wonder- where I can visualize a relationship and have it be perfect and let it fulfill all the expectations that I have in my head. But once I take that chance, will reality match my fantasy? I'm afraid that there won't be much to look foward to after being with someone for so long and I just want to savor all the special moments- cherish them because I don't know how long it will last. But right at this moment, I don't have to worry and I think that's what I like. Fear of commitment, fear of change, or perhaps there is that something else inside me that I fear. My friend told me that it's nice to go to an island but you can't live there. And you will never know anything in life unless you take a chance. Yes, there are many relationships that don't last and don't live up to any sort of expectation we all hope for but unless our hearts are open, we will always be afraid to move. There is no such thing as the perfect life. But we can certainly have a life that is pretty damn close.
I think it's about time I start embracing my own advice.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Goody-Two-Shoes
We all are at fault of making fun of somebody whether that it is at school, work, or when we are just out shopping. I do it too, alto ugh I try not to sometimes because I don't get pleasure in making fun of other people. But sometimes by just thinking something really quick, it does help you feel better or make you laugh. When you start dwelling on the comments we make and continue to make them then that might be a different story.
I was at fault of calling someone a goody-two-shoes yesterday. If you aren't familiar with the term, it is somebody who seems to be the best at everything and who wants to be the best at everything. It is almost as if they know people are watching because they put on a show of looking good. But really, they may not think these things about themselves. It is the assumptions we create inside our own minds and then what happens? We begin to characterize this person and start to not like them even more. Have you ever hated someone and then eventually became friends and realized that your opinions of the person were just not true. Maybe you over looked particular flaws and connected anyway. The same thing applies here. And here I am thinking this to myself instead of trying to pay attention in class and answer the same questions.
Maybe she does smile too much but it doesn't mean I don't know the same answers or I can't come up with some analytical responses. I am blaming her for being a person I am perfectly capable of being. And that's not acceptable.
I was at fault of calling someone a goody-two-shoes yesterday. If you aren't familiar with the term, it is somebody who seems to be the best at everything and who wants to be the best at everything. It is almost as if they know people are watching because they put on a show of looking good. But really, they may not think these things about themselves. It is the assumptions we create inside our own minds and then what happens? We begin to characterize this person and start to not like them even more. Have you ever hated someone and then eventually became friends and realized that your opinions of the person were just not true. Maybe you over looked particular flaws and connected anyway. The same thing applies here. And here I am thinking this to myself instead of trying to pay attention in class and answer the same questions.
Maybe she does smile too much but it doesn't mean I don't know the same answers or I can't come up with some analytical responses. I am blaming her for being a person I am perfectly capable of being. And that's not acceptable.
The World of Advertising
I'm supposed to be in class right now but it's cancelled so I want to hurry and get my thoughts out before I forget which is a fear of mine. If you read my first blog, you would see that I wrote about confidence boosters and how it is nice to hear compliments every once in a while. But are the compliments we hear what we truly want to hear? Or is it based upon a judgement or the way we look or act that certain day to determine if we get a compliment? If that is the case then maybe we are all just trying too hard and we should start pleasing ourselves.
When I went out to eat with my friend last night, we parked across the street from an ice cream parlor. This place has been there for as long as I can remember but now they have huge signs on the outside advertising sundaes, italian ices, root bears floats and more. Are you getting hungry yet? When I saw them, I immediately felt a craving for ice cream because the pictures looked great. Good advertising or better ice cream? Even though the ice cream tastes the same and I know this, I felt more of a desire to get some.
I went back to Dunkin Donuts this morning to get a coffee roll (I skipped the coffee) and the same lady that lights up when she sees me didn't recognize me at first glance. Then when she looked back up, she said "No blue eye Shadow today?" I responded with a "no, not today" and then she smiled back and said "Blue eye shadow makes you more beautiful." Now, maybe I am analyzing this too much which I often do but does blue eye shadow honestly make a person more beautiful? Like in life, a person often needs to see what they like in order to buy a particular product so good advertising becomes essential. In this case, my usual compliment turned to advice on makeup. I wasn't sold.
Does this change anything? No it doesn't because I don't need someone to look at me and tell me that I can look more beautiful if I do something different. I'm sure if it was easy to get looks or compliments from others, many people wouldn't try harder to look a certain way. It's a vicious cycle. There are many people however who do see the beauty in you whether you look a certain way or not. You can act crazy, wear a ridiculous outfit or forget to do your hair. They see past the advertising. They see the real you and if they see what they like from the beginning, it won't go anywhere. Unfortunately we do live in world of advertising and we are the culprits too.
When I went out to eat with my friend last night, we parked across the street from an ice cream parlor. This place has been there for as long as I can remember but now they have huge signs on the outside advertising sundaes, italian ices, root bears floats and more. Are you getting hungry yet? When I saw them, I immediately felt a craving for ice cream because the pictures looked great. Good advertising or better ice cream? Even though the ice cream tastes the same and I know this, I felt more of a desire to get some.
I went back to Dunkin Donuts this morning to get a coffee roll (I skipped the coffee) and the same lady that lights up when she sees me didn't recognize me at first glance. Then when she looked back up, she said "No blue eye Shadow today?" I responded with a "no, not today" and then she smiled back and said "Blue eye shadow makes you more beautiful." Now, maybe I am analyzing this too much which I often do but does blue eye shadow honestly make a person more beautiful? Like in life, a person often needs to see what they like in order to buy a particular product so good advertising becomes essential. In this case, my usual compliment turned to advice on makeup. I wasn't sold.
Does this change anything? No it doesn't because I don't need someone to look at me and tell me that I can look more beautiful if I do something different. I'm sure if it was easy to get looks or compliments from others, many people wouldn't try harder to look a certain way. It's a vicious cycle. There are many people however who do see the beauty in you whether you look a certain way or not. You can act crazy, wear a ridiculous outfit or forget to do your hair. They see past the advertising. They see the real you and if they see what they like from the beginning, it won't go anywhere. Unfortunately we do live in world of advertising and we are the culprits too.
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Beauty In a Rainy Day
As a little kid,a rainy day could be the cause of complete boredom and an excuse to annoy a sibling or an adult. Then there were some children who loved to jump right into a puddle and get water all over their clothes. Which child were you?
It's been raining on and off all day and every once in a while, a few pangs of thunder can be heard. For me, I think this is one of the most relaxing feelings and I love to just stare out the window and think. It gives me the opportunity to collect my thoughts and think of ways to put them into words. This blog came from me looking out the window so lets not totally attack the idea.
When I was at school today, a guy starting to casually converse with me in an elevator while riding up to the third floor. "So how are you liking the weather out there?" His tone indicated that he wasn't fond of the rain and was surprised at my reaction when I told him I am. I mentioned that I get inspired to write when it rains and he joked back and said that I shouldn't have a problem doing work this week for school then. Um, lets not go that far.
In other ways, it can be a way to bring romance into play. Sometimes, a perfect romantic scene just needs a nice thunderstorm to set the moment. You can't really go outside so why not cuddle up with the person you love inside and watch a movie. OK, so cuddle up could be an understatement for some people but I'm sure you get the idea. Use the rain to its advantage and create some light from the darkness.
Everybody experiences problems in their life from time to time and certain days are worse than others. Sometimes we just want to crawl into a hole or run away from everything. But don't the same worries and fears keep coming back? The rain is like the occasional stream of emotions in our lives that needs to just run its course. In many situations, people may want to cling on to these downer days because it matches exactly how they feel. Not everyone can be as cheerful and radiant as the sun and we don't always give off warm Reyes.
It's been raining on and off all day and every once in a while, a few pangs of thunder can be heard. For me, I think this is one of the most relaxing feelings and I love to just stare out the window and think. It gives me the opportunity to collect my thoughts and think of ways to put them into words. This blog came from me looking out the window so lets not totally attack the idea.
When I was at school today, a guy starting to casually converse with me in an elevator while riding up to the third floor. "So how are you liking the weather out there?" His tone indicated that he wasn't fond of the rain and was surprised at my reaction when I told him I am. I mentioned that I get inspired to write when it rains and he joked back and said that I shouldn't have a problem doing work this week for school then. Um, lets not go that far.
In other ways, it can be a way to bring romance into play. Sometimes, a perfect romantic scene just needs a nice thunderstorm to set the moment. You can't really go outside so why not cuddle up with the person you love inside and watch a movie. OK, so cuddle up could be an understatement for some people but I'm sure you get the idea. Use the rain to its advantage and create some light from the darkness.
Everybody experiences problems in their life from time to time and certain days are worse than others. Sometimes we just want to crawl into a hole or run away from everything. But don't the same worries and fears keep coming back? The rain is like the occasional stream of emotions in our lives that needs to just run its course. In many situations, people may want to cling on to these downer days because it matches exactly how they feel. Not everyone can be as cheerful and radiant as the sun and we don't always give off warm Reyes.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
pit stop of confidence
OK, so it's 10:41 at night and here I am writing my very first blog for myself. I had a few thoughts today like I do every day and I need to get them out before I go to sleep. If I don't I feel like my inspiration will be lost forever- or at least until more thoughts begin to possess my mind. Here goes. I am not the most confident person in the world. Wow, I am putting that very lightly. I am really not confident at all and to be honest, I let so many negative thoughts into my mind every day and I usually believe them.
I don't know exactly where I am going in life. The future scares me to death. I have so many fears that I don't always understand. It is truly hard to think positive but I try. I do try to talk myself out of the negativity that I feel. Does it work? Well I said I try, didn't I? But anyway, I think that I feel most confident when I'm driving. I love listening to the music and know that when I am driving I don't have to worry about anything else. All I need to do is focus on the road. In a way, I feel like I am going somewhere. I know I am usually driving the same route to school which is not really going somewhere but it is a break for me. Sometimes when I listen to the radio, I relate myself to the songs that are playing and I start to feel so much better about everything. It's a small push for me to feel motivated and positive. When I step out of the car, who knows if it will stay with me for much longer but at least it's something.
I like to stop at Dunkin Donuts (doughnuts- yea it bothers me how the spelling changed) and get a coffee in the morning to wake me up. Regular coffee makes me extremely anxious so now I need to get decaf but that's not the point I really want to make. There is this woman who I always see working in the morning there and when she sees me she lights up. It is the second time now that she complimented me on my eyes while telling me that I am so beautiful. When I leave to continue on my way to school, I can't tell you how good I feel and how just one woman who I don't know can make my day so much more pleasant. I love going there now and it is almost necessary for me.
Perhaps we all just need s small confidence booster in life from time to time and there's nothing wrong with that. Life is crazy and it's extremely difficult to keep up sometimes without the feeling of being swallowed whole or not knowing what will happen next. But it's nice to know that the small things in life can make us happy. When I'm driving to school,Dunkin Donuts is my pit stop of confidence. Do you have one?
I don't know exactly where I am going in life. The future scares me to death. I have so many fears that I don't always understand. It is truly hard to think positive but I try. I do try to talk myself out of the negativity that I feel. Does it work? Well I said I try, didn't I? But anyway, I think that I feel most confident when I'm driving. I love listening to the music and know that when I am driving I don't have to worry about anything else. All I need to do is focus on the road. In a way, I feel like I am going somewhere. I know I am usually driving the same route to school which is not really going somewhere but it is a break for me. Sometimes when I listen to the radio, I relate myself to the songs that are playing and I start to feel so much better about everything. It's a small push for me to feel motivated and positive. When I step out of the car, who knows if it will stay with me for much longer but at least it's something.
I like to stop at Dunkin Donuts (doughnuts- yea it bothers me how the spelling changed) and get a coffee in the morning to wake me up. Regular coffee makes me extremely anxious so now I need to get decaf but that's not the point I really want to make. There is this woman who I always see working in the morning there and when she sees me she lights up. It is the second time now that she complimented me on my eyes while telling me that I am so beautiful. When I leave to continue on my way to school, I can't tell you how good I feel and how just one woman who I don't know can make my day so much more pleasant. I love going there now and it is almost necessary for me.
Perhaps we all just need s small confidence booster in life from time to time and there's nothing wrong with that. Life is crazy and it's extremely difficult to keep up sometimes without the feeling of being swallowed whole or not knowing what will happen next. But it's nice to know that the small things in life can make us happy. When I'm driving to school,Dunkin Donuts is my pit stop of confidence. Do you have one?
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